Roma’s worst Tinder profiles 2.0
IT'S the sequel you might not have even realised you needed, but when someone reaches out to us begging for exposure, we couldn't be cruel enough to leave them high and dry.
Or maybe The Western Star journos were just caught swiping on Tinder at work again and we needed an excuse to cover ourselves.
Regardless, your local Tinder gurus dub today Tinder Tuesday.
You can run, but you can't hide (as long as you're within 160km of our phones, on Tinder and have a profile that's shockingly bad it needs to be publicised).
Here we will expose Roma's most cringe-worthy, creepy or downright concerning Tinder profiles we've had the unfortunate pleasure of discovering this month.
So without further ado, here are 21 of Roma's worst Tinder profiles - bigger and better than ever before.
Nothing better than a short and sweet bio to really get to know a man to his core.
But come on Kyle, you're in your 30s now bro! It's just getting sad for you to still be living the life of a 21-year-old party rocker. And pingas? It's time to start treating your body like a temple and leave those debaucherous years behind you.
And surely by now, you've realised your self worth?! Why you still gotta be f----- these mingas you speak of!?
There you are one lonely Sunday night mindlessly swiping through Tinder, and alas! you come across a lad you have previously shared a night of passion with.
The confusion sets in, are you the 4 or 6 that he speaks of?
And what a terrible batting average you have Darcy! You're definitely the type of guy that's blind drunk at the Zone at 2am, and pick up the first lass that makes eye contact with you.
You're young, so we'll cut you some slack, but it's time to lift your game pal!
If there's one thing I look for in a man, it's his honesty. I think a man being upfront and transparent about how little he has going for himself is seriously underrated!
I'm not sure if Clay here is talking about his personality, his ability to perform in the bedroom, or his looks, but I know I won't be disappointed. The bar has been set low, and if my standards were to ever drop that far, I'd know where to look.
Clay, I really appreciate you being so vulnerable and raw. It takes a real man to admit that he's not got much going for him: not only to himself, but to the dozens (maybe hundreds?) of potential love interests who will see your profile. You're nothing special, and that's okay.
While most Tinder users would be satisfied with being a guest star on our name and shame list, Lane is pulling out all the stops to ensure he becomes a season regular!
You may fondly remember him from the previous list as the cowboy who is famous for riding bulls and punching fools, and somehow finding the spare time to root b-----s.
Clearly, the b-----s have been in short supply lately, as the man appears to be resorting to chickens. Whatever floats your boat Lane!
Also, you know your spelling skills are absolutely cooked when spellcheck can't even recognise your attempt at typing the word 'bodily'. Bonus point for at least incorportating a full stop to break up your sentences.
As Avril Lavigne once wisely stated 'why you gotta make things so complicated?' and this man is clearly living for that motto!
For all the aspiring sugar babies in Roma, he does present an appealing offer though! Why some of us are foolishly sleeping with some duds for free, this man is willing to not only provide some well endowed equipment to work with, but also compensation for our time.
With such impressive advertising, would it even matter what he looks like?
Why do men think it's acceptable to write a whole novel in their bios? Like, I'd maybe get it if you had a super cool life story, or even if you were a published author, but how many times do you really need to say you have a gambling problem?
I think you should probably be looking for a helpline app instead of wasting time swiping away on Tinder. You can't find your spring carnival punting partner if you don't start working on your core issues. Being a gambling addict and an "idiot on the piss" isn't much to be proud of I'm afraid.
That's a swipe left from me.
Now I know with Tinder, sometimes you feel like you're being treated like an object, but our boy Hamish seems to take it one step further by actually portraying himself as one!
Surely a photo of your beloved car never actually gains any matches?!
White ute aside, his bio is rather on the vague side. Are you referring to women as heifers? What exactly are your plans when you get to this paddock? We have many questions.
Our next concern is Hamish listing his job as 'man.' Here the rest of us are slaving away 40 hour plus weeks to earn that $$, when Hamish counts purely existing as employment. Keep livin' the dream Hamish you man-ute you.
The dating game can be a cruel mistress, especially if you're friends with a group of highly attractive people.
Cody is not only honest from the get-go about his looks, but provides an appealing alternative to longingly gazing into his eyes.
And who can swipe left to a man that loves doggos?! Bless you Cody.
We'll start with the elephant in the room. Why does Camden think having beach beers make him a weirdo? There is nothing more enjoyable than going to the beach on a hot day with an Esky full of Coronas and limes, and sipping them as you soak up the sun. In fact, you're weird if you don't like that!
While we appreciate the fact that Camden is safety first, his choice of photos make us think being tied up with him in the room might involve other risks than s-- related injuries.
Slightly weird he also has to specify he only wants ladies, can't you just change your gender preferences on Tinder Camden? That is an option available.
While Grant didn't have a bio to share, we thought his choice of photo deemed him more than worthy to make our list. Honestly we are finding it kind of concerning.
Previously, there was nothing I enjoyed more than rushing to the D floor when this song came on at the Comm, but now every time it plays this horrific image will come to mind.
Cheers Grant, you've ruined a country classic.
Not sure if we should be relieved or disappointed that Thornton lives in the NT. It takes a brave man to put such a modern take on a poetry classic, although moderately concerning he is unable to spell such an easy word like roses. Seems like we have quite a few selfless lovers in our mix though, so I applaud these men on their efforts to make sure the lady is also having a good time while in the throes of passion. Keep up the good work!
I relate to this on a deep level Kris. There was nothing quite as exhilarating as getting home from school, sitting in the swivel chair in your computer room after yelling at mum to get off the phone so you can sign into x0x - gawjuzgal - firstname.lastname@example.org.
As you eagerly waited for your crush to come online, after finally working up the courage to ask them for their msn addy at school earlier that day, you would inundate your friends with nudges, despite them having set their status as BRB. Then comes the name you had been waiting to see pop up on your screen! Your crush is finally online. When he doesn't immediately start asking 'hru?', the only natural response is to sign in and out of MSN to attract his attention. Where was I even going with this? Oh that's right, Tinder sucks. Bring back MSN!
Nothing quite like a motivational s-- quote to really get your motor running, and Jack delivers.
Another man that is mysterious enough to hide his looks from the public eye, but ballsy enough to outright state he is on the hunt for a potential f--- body.
Don't expect any after s-- cuddles and pillow talk from this man, ladies. He's a rooter and booter and not ashamed to admit it.
I won't lie, my standards are pretty low, I'm on Tinder in Roma, how could they not be? If you haven't got a dead pig in your pic, you best believe I'm going to swipe right on you.
But you've got me intrigued Lachlan, how much higher can your standards be? What's your make-or-break, I need to know more.
I always appreciate a good Game of Thrones reference, even if it is disturbingly related to incest, but KD if you're going to commit to the theme, at least learn how to spell her name properly.
SHAME. SHAME. SHAME.
Mum always said honesty is the best policy, so I can't fault Michael for letting us know how he really feels.
You're still young my good man, your best years are ahead of you! You're allowed to settle for a bit of "anything", and who knows, she might wind up spending the rest of her life with you!
I won't lie, I'm also a sucker for a mistake. Why is it they're always the hottest mate in the group, the most charming? I'm constantly looking for my next f*** up, and it looks like the man of my dreams is right here! At least I know we're both on the same page.
Let me start by saying this does NOT deserve to be on a list of "worst Tinder profiles", in fact, it's probably the best I've seen in a long time. I didn't know where he was going with this whole bear thing but he had me in absolute stitches by the last word. Stuart, you're a keeper, I hope our first date is a trip to see the bear.
Liam, I want you to know that it's okay to only be 6.3 inches tall, I'll admit, I am a bit confused as to how you could be as long as you were tall, but I won't question biology like that.
I think you've had maybe one too many rumbos before writing this killer introduction, maybe put down the stubby and the fork and give that line another go.
Watch out ladies, we've got a cocktail lover on our hands here and you know that what means?
He's probably been prowling through those exclusive dating sites designed for people wanting to cheat on their partner, cause this is starting to sound like a really familiar story. Can't quite place my finger on it but I'm sure there's a song with similar lyrics about … daiquiris? Margaritas? No! It was pina coladas.
I love pina coladas.
Ah we couldn't forget you James! It's nice to have fans so early on in the game, so the least we could do is make all your wildest dreams come true.
Please keep us in the loop of what you decide to do with your new-found claim to fame. Keep Tindering on James! Your newly appointed celebrity status can only do wonders for your match rate.